Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Call Center Hell

I received a negative survey from a cardholder who called in on my first day and claimed that I became exasperated with him and was unable to help him with his account, to the point that he had to end the call. I remember that ass-clown  I was so nice that motherfucker! I offered him multiple options to resolve the issue. He declined every one of them and said that he would make the changes online. He was a complete idiot who was clueless about every detail of his account.  That may have stemmed from the fact that his wasn't the only name on said account. 

Here's a clue: if you are the primary cardholder, maybe you should be more careful of who you authorize for access to your account. BTW, they have access to your entire credit line as well...

I have people yell at me during the identity verification process, daily. I'm so sorry that we are trying to protect your account from unauthorized use. This goes double for people who are calling about an account on which they are not authorized. Yelling at me isn't going to change banking regulations that are regulated by the federal government!

Oh, you wanted to use the automated system? Well, that's too bad. You're stuck with me...and trust me: I'd rather not be talking to you, either. Next time, why don't you call from a phone number that's attached to your account? It might also help if you had your card; that security code on the back sure comes in handy!

I had a woman decline to make her payment over the phone because an actual human had answered the line. "I don't feel comfortable giving out my checking account information to a's too dangerous." Bitch, if I wanted to steal your identity and rack up a bunch of credit, I'm already looking at your full name, address, phone numbers, SSN, DOB, and the full account numbers of every credit card you've ever had with this bank, including the one you don't want to pay right now. They fingerprint us through the FBI database for a reason.

I had a doctor call in and immediately ask me to hold...because he was in the middle of treating a patient. I would so super pissed if my doctor stopped in the middle of my appointment to call and activate a credit card! He verified the account and asked me to speak to his wife, who snottily asked me what else I needed. Umm? You called me. "We only wanted the card activated!" (cue saccharine sweet voice) "I apologize ma'am...your husband didn't mention that!" 

Fucking idiots...see you next Tuesday, bitch. Then there was the dentist who called while he was drilling someone's teeth in the background. Nice.

People get angry because they are traveling and their card gets declined because they never notified us and the charges get flagged by fraud prevention for the protection of their account. How pissed do you think they'd be if we approved every single charge that came through if the card had been stolen? Oh wait, we have a zero fraud liability policy...It takes 3-5 minutes to call us and let us know that you're going to be traveling, or that you'll have an unusual purchase amount coming through. You don't have time for that, yet you have time to scream at me for 20 minutes after the fact? Fuck you, too.

You know how people act all bad-ass on the internets (the comments sections on Yahoo and Youtube alone have made me lose my faith in humanity) because they're really a sad loser who's stuck alone at home on a Friday night and you just know they would never say that shit to anyone's face in real life? I talk to those people on the phone all day long.

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