Sunday, June 30, 2013

It was a scotch and water kind of day

So, today was the last day of the month. My last day to bring in some sales and make my quotas for June. Of course, it would have been nice if I hadn't had so many shit calls last week to cause me to be stressing out at the last minute...

I showed up to work this morning full of caffeine and good cheer and I was pumped! Ready to provide outstanding customer service with a smooth transition into sales!

And then I spent all day fielding calls from complete assholes who wants to argue with me about transaction fees as if I am personally responsible for setting the amount, or yell at me because they prefer the automated system, or flat out hang up on me while I'm trying to explain the benefits and features available on their brand-new account. I actually had a lady yell at me that she could not believe I wouldn't lower her APR...with an outstanding delinquency on the account. Fucking douche-nuggets and twat-waffles.

I can't even properly vent because I can't take the risk of revealing my place of employment; despite the fact that I left work in tears today, I really do like my job and would like to keep it. Unfortunately, with my low sales, I fully expect to receive a written warning for performance any day now. I got my verbal back at the end of April/beginning of May.

I'm just feeling so completely discouraged, like no matter how hard I try, maybe I am just not cut out for this sales bullshit. I don't even know.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Reason #5,621 Why I Could Never Work in Tech Support

Working in a call center has given me so much new-found respect for tech support. If we get a call about online banking and it's something "simple," we're supposed to talk the customer through the process. For example, if they just need to know how to set up a profile or where to click to get to Bill Pay or something like that. We're only supposed to transfer to Tech Support if they need to reset their password or something else we just don't have access to complete.

I spent over 40 minutes the other day helping a customer get to our main site page to log in.

A brief synopsis of our conversation:

Me: It sounds like you're looking at the results for a search engine page and not our main site. Can you make sure you've typed into the address bar?

SC: How do I do that?

Me: If you go to the top left-hand corner of your browser, there should be a long box you can type the address in.

SC: It just says Mozilla Firefox and then Yahoo but I can't type anything on it!

Me: How about below that?

SC: Below that it says File...Tools...etc...

Me: Is there a box below that line?

SC: Where it says http:// www .yahoo .com?

Me: Yes! That's the address bar. Ok, click on that, and type in

SC: Okaaay...and I leave the letters that are already there, right?

Me: No, no, no. Delete all of that. Delete everything, and type in www dot thebank dot com.

SC: Okaaayyy...

Me: OH! And make sure you don't have any spaces between the words. Just, "wwwDOTthebankDOTcom" with no spaces at all, ok?

SC: Ohhhkay...OH! There it is! Why did you guys change it?

Monday, June 10, 2013

Tough Love

Why do people think that if they refuse to verify account information I'm just going to let that slide? Like if they yell at me or threaten to close their account I'll just suddenly bypass all of the government-regulated security measures and do whatever they want to the account?

This lady called in today who claimed to be the authorized user on the account. The phone number she was calling from was not on file for the account, so I have to ask a security question. I asked her for the DOB of the primary cardholder, which was 2/4/1956.*

"2/8/1956," she says. Keep in mind that the authorized user on this account is the WIFE of the primary cardholder. 

I asked her if she could verify the last 4 of his SSN. She cannot. As I'm reviewing the account to see what else I can use for verification, she blurts out his mother's maiden name.

Why oh why do people do this? I cannot accept any piece of information which is offered by a caller. So now we are down to virtually nothing that I can use for traditional security verification...and I haven't even asked her if she has the card to verify the CVV. If she doesn't have that, then I'll have to verify a non-traditional question as well.

She makes some comment about how she doesn't understand why I'm asking her so many questions when she already gave me his birthdate. I apologize and explain that it didn't match the DOB on file.

"2/4/1596?!" she exclaims.

"That is not what you told me earlier, ma'am," I deadpan. 

"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm just so nervous!" she's suddenly trying to be meek and mild. Please explain to me why the wife of a cardholder, who is herself authorized on the account, would have any reason to be nervous.

"I apologize for the delay, but I'm going to need to place you on a brief hold while I bring an associate on the line to assist me with the security verification." When I can't authenticate a customer I have to conference in someone from the fraud department, but of course I'm not telling her that. I just say I need assistance.

She gets very aggravated and informs me that she'll just have "him" deal with this later. Then she hangs up the phone. 

Whatevs, bitch. I take account security very seriously. Account documented and frozen for potential fraud. 

Then there was the alleged wife who was not authorized on the account and became so angry when I politely informed her that I could not perform account maintenance or release account information without speaking to the cardholder that she yelled, "That's fine! We'll just call back later and close this account, how about that!"

First of all, cuntmuffin, I don't know who this "we" is of which you speak. There is only one person listed on this account and he is not you. Secondly, if you think that I personally care whether or not your husband maintains a credit card with a $5000 limit, you have huffed too much paint thinner today. Zero fucks were given about this conversation, although I did comment the account that an unauthorized person attempted to get account information.

This is getting into TL;DR territory, but maybe tomorrow I will tell you the tale of the "cardholder" who was unable to verify her own DOB correctly...and told me that she would have to retrieve her tax records to give me her SSN. 

*Not his real DOB, in case you thought I was completely insane.