Sunday, December 23, 2012

Ashamed, the finale

I told the manager that I felt like a failure and maybe I'm not cut out for this job. She asked me not to quit just yet, especially while I was still upset. “There’s attitude, and there’s aptitude. We can teach aptitude; we can give you additional training and teach you the skills that you need for this job. We can’t teach attitude, though. The right attitude is something you either have or you don’t, and you do have it. You have a lot of potential to do well here.” 

She told me to go home for the day and that she would set me up with some one-on-one training with more experienced associates and give me a break from the phone. She’s not denying that we have some shitty customers or saying that I just need to suck it up and deal, which I really appreciate. She’s just hoping that I can learn to ignore them and not let it bother me so much, which would be nice.

When I got home, though, I still felt panicky. I couldn't get myself to calm down. I felt completely exhausted, mentally and physically, which is actually pretty common after a panic attack. I went to sleep around 8 pm but I felt just as bad when I woke up the next morning. I ended up calling in sick to work, too drained to worry about the consequences at the moment. I went back to sleep, thinking maybe I would go in later (I work 10 hour shifts) but I didn't wake up until after 2 pm.

My team manager called to check on me and see how I was feeling, which was a nice surprise. Don’t get me wrong, he is a nice guy. I’m just not used to management actually caring enough to call an employee at home and see how they’re doing. He asked me if I was still coming in on Monday and reassured me that they had me scheduled for training instead of being on the phone by myself.

I feel like if they’re willing to go out on a limb for me and set this up to help me, I should give it another shot. I really do feel like this could be a great company to work for and I don’t like to give up, especially on something I know I can do really well. I’m normally really good with people, and I love working in customer service. 

I'm not ashamed of myself for being human and having feelings, but I do need to learn to distance myself emotionally from these assholes. 

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