Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Financial Advice

I get a call from a customer who wants to increase his line of credit. Currently, it's at $2000. 

"I just can't believe you guys only gave me a $2000 credit limit," he scoffs. "I mean, that's kind of a slap in the face. It's insulting, really."

"I understand, sir. I'd be happy to process that request for you. I just need to get your income and employment information." I'm always very careful to use the word "request" when it comes to things like credit line increases. There is no guarantee that this is going to be approved, no matter how long you've banked with us or what an "excellent" customer you (think you) are...

Customer informs me that his occupation is a Financial Adviser for a very well-known "global financial services firm" and that he's been employed there for 35 years. He tells me this with that tone of voice that men use when they say things like, "Don't you know who I am?" No, I don't; ask me if I give a shit.

When we process requests for credit limit increases, there are three possible outcomes:
1. It is immediately approved;
2. We are instructed to transfer the call to the credit department to complete the application;
3. We are instructed to inform the customer that they will receive a letter in 5-7 business days.

You know what it means when they tell you that you'll get a letter in the mail with the decision? It means that the decision was, "NO!" We're not even allowed to transfer those customers to the credit department to get more information.  

So take a wild guess which answer my computer spit out for Mr. Big Shot Financial Adviser...

Just out of curiosity I decide to pull up his account history. Turns out he's been within 5 days late at least a dozen times...30 days late several times...60 days late a handful of times...120 days late multiple times?!

Dude, are you fucking kidding me? What kind of financial advice can this joker possibly be giving people? 

Here's some financial advice: Pay your fucking bill on time and maybe you won't be "insulted" with a $2000 credit limit. I'm insulted that you wasted my time with this bullshit!

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