Tuesday, January 29, 2013

How to Get Your Own Way by being a Bully

I answered a call the other day and I knew from the start that this guy was going to be an asshole.

When you cut me off mid-word to preemptively answer my questions, I don't know what your problem is. Do you thing you're being efficient by saving me the time required to finish those few syllables? Is it because you're in a hurry and you think your time is more valuable than my respect? You know what; I don't even care. You're an asshole and I hate you.

This asshole was rude and snappy during the verification process and as soon as I asked, "How can I help you?" he cut me off in the middle of the word "today," and snapped:

"Reverse some charges!"

First of all, OMG, fuck you. I am so sick and tired of people who were obviously raised by animals because they have no idea about polite human interaction. What happened to "please," and "thank you?" How hard would it have been to say something like, "I see some charges on my account that I'm hoping you can remove," and not be a fucking dick?

Secondly, banks are not in the habit of simply reversing charges for absolutely no reason. I guess you missed the memo, but this is not a non-profit organization. And if you're referring to a merchant charge, the same goes for them and we're not going to just cancel the charge without first determining whether or not it's a valid charge. That is why banks employ a slew of people in Billing Disputes and Fraud Claims.

Come to find out it's a $1 charge and an associated $.03 foreign transaction fee. It took a minute to find because he gave me a completely different name for the merchant and had no idea of the amount. He said that he had signed up for something but they never sent him anything and "you need to reverse this charge right now!"

I said, "Okay, it sounds like I just need to get you in touch with our Billing Disputes department. This will just take a moment," and he totally flipped. the fuck. out.

It was completely ridiculous. I have seen/heard 3 year-olds with more self control. He went on this rant about how it shouldn't be a dispute because he's the customer and I'm supposed to be in Customer Service and I should just reverse the charges. Screaming unintelligibly like a baby the entire time.

I tried to explain that I am not authorized to just reverse charges like this; that is what Billing Disputes is for. I don't know why I even tried to reason with him. I should have just placed him on hold and transferred the call. Don't worry, I would have done a warm transfer. I'm not trying to dick over my co-workers. This just was not my problem and I don't need to explain myself to this idiot.

He kept yelling about how he didn't understand why I wouldn't just do my job as Customer Service because he is the Customer and if he is telling me that he didn't get what he paid for, then I should just reverse those charges, and RAWR RAWR RAWR!

Like a glutton for punishment, I tried to explain that he needs to file a claim with Billing Disputes because he did give this company his credit card number and we have to give the merchant a chance to respond to the claim. We can't just take the word of every customer that calls in and says that they didn't receive a product, or immediately reverse charges if you're not happy with a service you paid for. It just doesn't work that way, and it's a good way to get sued.

This whole time, I'm apologizing to him like a good little corporate slave, because our main goal is Customer Satisfaction and one does not ever tell a Customer "No" or tell them that something cannot be done. So in between all of my "Sir, I understand your frustration, and I am trying to resolve this for you," and "I apologize for the inconvenience," I was trying to get my manager's attention because this shit was getting out of control.

"Sir, I am very sorry for the inconvenience, but I'm not authorized to reverse charges like this. That's why I need to get an associate from Billing Disputes on the line and" and the motherfucker cut me off, again.

"Then screw you, this company is shit! You can just cancel my account! I want to speak to your manager right now!"

"Yes, sir. Just a moment. Hold please."

"Right now!"

"Yes, sir. Hold please."

At this point I was shaking and about three seconds away from a full-blown panic attack. I had a hard time catching my breath, and I'm sure that if Quality was reviewing my call it probably sounded like I was sighing in frustration.

To make a long story a little shorter, my manager did take over the call. He couldn't get a word in edgewise, either. He was able to credit the charges back to the customer's account, mostly because it was only $1.03. He tried to explain that without a dispute on file, the company could potentially charge the card again if it was a subscription service. The customer decided that he would rather have us cancel that card number as lost/stolen and issue him a new card.

Why the fuck would you rather be without your credit card for 8-10 business days, unable to use the old number for anything, than take 5 minutes to file a claim with Billing Disputes? I really wish I had taken note of the merchant's name, because that must have been some embarrassing shit that he didn't want to talk about.

Anyway, kids, I guess the moral of the story is that if you yell and scream and make threats, you can get whatever you want. Because the Customer is always Right.

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